Birth plan….shmirf plan..my birthing story.

Well would you believe it…she finally, finally arrived, our little princess..Annabella Clarisse, she makes our hearts so full and happy.

She is the reason I have been in a bubble and of course haven’t had the time to write a blog post, I have also been healing from the traumatic birth that I went through, and having had stitches, it has of course been somewhat painful.

This is going to be an emotional, beautiful rollercoaster of a birthing story. I want to firstly give you an idea of the whole process, so firstly I went into Hospital last Wednesday at 8 a.m to be induced, my other half gave me a kiss goodbye as he could not come in, and he assumed he would be in that night once labour had started, well unfortunately not, as our little munchkin certainly had other ideas, I had a check of my cervix, and was told she was very low down and ready, however by her standards she was by no means ready.

I had a gel given to me, to induce labour and carried on having mild contractions, but nothing major, so contacted my other half and explained today was not the day to which he sounded disappointed, as was I.

After about 6 hours of having had the gel given to me, they checked and gave me some more gel, but nothing really seemed to be working, I had some pain relief as it was somewhat painful, the nurse came round to do checks constantly on me and on the movements of the baby…yes she was fine and dandy brewing in there…I was just getting tired of waiting, it got to about 10 pm, and the midwife came and explained that really there was no point doing anything else until the following morning and especially since, the delivery suite was busy, and the labour ward was incredibly busy, so she told me to try and get some sleep and in the morning, they could induce me further and move me to the delivery suite, so that my husband could join me.

I did get some sleep, unfortunately my husband said he couldn’t, I mean being apart from each other was the hardest thing and it makes me quite emotional as I write this, as I lay on a dark ward, what kept me going was the hustle and bustle, phonecalls and messages to my husband and mum, and keeping my faith in God, as well as the amazing midwifes telling me that they had a solution and it would all be ok, also a wonderful lady opposite me who was having a caesarean ended up chatting with me and we really bonded, we both checked on each other and made sure we kept our spirits high.

The next morning a wonderful midwife came in, super jolly and happy and she was just what I needed, she said we are going to check your cervix but don’t worry we are getting this baby out and moving you to the delivery suite, as soon as we do, call your husband and he will be with you every step of the way, so they checked my cervix, and I was 1cm, and honestly I think they felt sorry for me, so they discussed and decided to take me to the delivery suite, the midwife carried my belongings and once I arrived in my own room, with my own bathroom, I felt content, she told me “this is a very special room”, ” I had my first baby in here”…that was a beautiful moment right there, next I met the young midwife who would be taking me through the first half of my labour, she was awesome, they brought in my fave doctor called happiness, and oh my was he happy…he broke my waters, as the midwifes were unable to, which yes was painful, this was only by about 11 am, so they worked very quickly, next I got into comfy attire and tried to get comfortable bouncing on a ball, they were checking contractions constantly.

At this point I had already told my other half to make his way, next I got a call asking if I needed anything, and then a phonecall saying ” I went to walk the dog, and I have locked myself out of the house”…poor guy, I mean never ever has he ever locked himself out of the house, he had to walk through the park and climb our fence, he got so dirty and grubby, he then had to fix the fence and take a shower, and take a taxi to the hospital….oh my boy, he tried so hard..I mean you couldn’t write it up.

The moment he arrived, I felt at peace, he held my hand and rubbed my back and I was so happy to see his face after almost 2 days apart, at this point it was mid-afternoon, and the contractions were going very slowly, so they decided to give me a hormone drip in my hand, well this was when the contractions really went up, and the pain shortly after became unbearable, what happened next is somewhat vague, but I was all calm bouncing on the ball, managing the pain until both myself and my husband realised it was too much, I cannot explain the pain that I felt…it was unbearable, and I was being sick at points as well.

At this point we pressed the buzzer and they decided to give me an injection…I honestly don’t remember what it was, but soon after I became so drowsy that I was unresponsive and unaware of what was going on, my other half made sure that my dignity was always intact, the only time I am told I was waking up was when I was feeling a contraction, I was spaced out and taking gas and air at the same time, even sometimes thinking my husbands hand was gas and air.

To fast forward what happened next was that I was so drowsy, my other half had to hold me up because the pain was unbearable and I was no longer that conscious, they decided to give me an epidural…I had the conversation with my other half before hand that I was happy for him to make decisions for me, this is so important for when things go wrong during labour. The doctors told my husband, he had a very important job holding me up whilst an epidural was being administered.

I just remember seeing doctors all round me, administering an epidural. this is when the pain stopped and I finally came round to see new midwifes and doctors, and it suddenly became a calm environment, my husband explained what had happened, that I had been out for a few hours at this point it was about 8pm, I had a canulae administered a couple of times, as it had come out twice, as well as being injected in my leg, and a drip, I was injected so many times, that I have bruises all over me still. It was hugely scary not knowing where I was, I felt like I had gone for a night out, and couldn’t remember the night before, half of my labour was a blur, and what I was talking about to the doctors did not make sense.

After I came round this amazing midwife who had joined late on was so motherly and laid a cloth on my forehead and stroked my cheek and helped me to come round. My husband explained my canulae had come out and blood had sprayed everywhere. I had lost some blood as well, I also had a catheter, it was frightening to have felt that I didn’t know what was going on or what had happened to me, I had not been making sense to the doctors or midwifes, and at certain points they became increasingly concerned for my reaction to the drug that was administered, and I also had to be injected to be brought round. When you suddenly become unaware of yourself, and what is going on, it’s amazing to feel that you are in the best care, and your loved one is there to make sure everything is ok.

At this point I was able to smile a little and have a conversation with the midwife, we got talking about Christianity, how I met my partner, and about her 2 children, to me she was a blessing from God, another doctor who I would say was fatherly was also incredible, and was saying he was excited to see how mixed our baby would look and whether she would have lots of hair.

I have such an appreciation for midwifes and doctors throughout this process, it brings me to tears, they are some of the most special and amazing people out there. After a couple of hours, the midwife was not happy that it had been so long and they put up the contractions which I didn’t feel anyway, and she got me to start pushing, come on you can do it, I could hear this from every angle, “you are amazing, you can do it”, “come on, our baby will be out soon”, I felt his hand next to mine, and his voice close telling me everything will be ok…..ahh emotions are running high as I write this, what a beautiful and amazing moment, when you can’t see the end, having that support is incredible.

I continued to push as and when the midwife told me that I was having a contraction, but I could see no end in sight, next came the doctor, and it seemed they only had 1 hour left to get the baby out, but they were not happy with how things were going, and Annabella’s heart rate kept going up with the hormone drip as she wasn’t liking it.

The doctor came and told me that the likelihood was they would have to try to use the suction to get her out, and if not they would be using forceps..at this point, they tried the suction, but she was not having it, I kept pushing and she was almost out but wouldn’t make that final push, so they explained that they would have to use forceps, that was it one final push and I heard her cry.

That moment she came out, I can’t even explain how it felt, it was an unexplainable moment. The moment I had waited over 9 months for, she was brewing for 2 weeks more, they handed her to me, and I cried and cried, I have never felt such immediate love in my life.

we were both so exhausted that at that point, we didn’t even know how to feel, my poor other half was completely and utterly exhausted, and probarbly traumatised…seeing the person you love in pain can be a very hard thing to watch, but he was completely amazing the whole way through.

A couple of hours later, we said our goodbye’s and he had to go home, I got wheeled to a ward at about 4.30 in the morning, I wanted a shower but was in so much pain and so exhausted that I didn’t even know how to feel, and suddenly I was on a dark ward by myself with a new baby, wondering how am I going to feed her, what if I can’t breastfeed, and how can I clean myself without any help. On another note, as I got wheeled on to the ward, guess who was opposite me, the same lady from the previous ward, and we said hello and smiled, she also had just given birth, and we gave each other a look like we both understood, what a lovely lady, it gave me comfort to see her face again.

I couldn’t sleep that night, I just watched her breathe, then I tried to wash myself but I was in pain. a few hours later I was having my obs checked, and they wanted to see that I could breastfeed her.

The doctor that helped me in labour came to see me, he was absoloutly amazing, and he just simply came to check that I was ok and to check on our beautiful baby girl and her thick head of black hair…what a diamond of a man.

I kept in touch with my other half, and then the doctor came round and asked how I was, they did checks on the baby, all I wanted was to go home to be with my husband and to be a perfect family together, a specialist breastfeeding midwife came to help me breast feed and once again she was amazing and paid such amazing attention to me and the baby, I was so impressed.

The midwife said that once I had fed her 3 times, and the doctors had taken a blood test I could be discharged, they were concerned I might have an infection, but the doctor came and said I could come back to the hospital on the Monday to have a blood test, as I was doing alright and the baby was all good. My other half came to get us, looking so proud, he looked more handsome than ever having become a dad, and when we got her home, we just stared at her, and everything was perfect in our new bubble, all together. I felt such exhaustion, that I really only started feeling myself the next day.

Our baby is now 1 week old and I can honestly say she has brought us closer together, she has taught me how to love like never before, and she has given us a new meaning to our life, I am grateful to the NHS, the midwifes, our families and everyone who helped us through, also the prayers from all the people that love us, the flowers, and the chocolates and the love. I never knew that in a pandemic I could feel so blessed, so grateful, and just so complete and fulfilled.

I knew I wanted to be a mum, and I know some days will be hard, but I never knew how happy I would be to be a full time mummy, watching her change even in a week, her response to me and everything has made me the happiest I have ever been and my husband is truly besotted.

It is still a healing process, and the bruises prove how hard the birthing journey was, but they remind me of how strong women can be, and that I did something epic to bring a human being into this world. I will never forget the journey I went through, or how difficult it was at times, but I look back and realise I did it, I went through labour and I came out the other side.

One thing I can really say is that I planned for a calm birth, but I have realised that you cannot plan a birth, I did not have a pool birth, all I wanted at the end of it all is my baby girl, and I did not care how that happened, I just wanted to be safe, and for her to be safe and that was all

At the end of the day that is all that matters…the end result, your baby in your arms, and love all around you..Annabella Clarisse how we love you, I feel like a whole new person, thank you for choosing me to be your mummy.

I want to say to all you amazing women out there who have been through labour, you are a hero, we all are superhuman, and we come out the other side, everyone has a different birthing story to tell, but no matter what the journey, we all receive a special gift and that’s what makes everything worthwhile.

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